Yellow Moon lyrics by Pearl Jam

yellow moon pearl jam
Yellow Moon art work
Yellow Moon is from Pearl Jam's Lightning Bolt album.

Yellow Moon lyrics by Pearl Jam 

Here, far away
One could feel the earth vibrate

Moon, changing shape and shade
As we all do under its gaze

Yellow Moon on the rise
Yellow Moon on the rise

Round we go
Where we stop, yeah no one knows
So tonight, the moon I go

Yellow Moon on the rise

An echo that rings
A bullet unchained
One life, one grave
Joins the parade

The sky grows dark
With fallen stars
Who'd come so far
A headstone engraved
The colors turn gray
The black and white fades

Yellow Moon on the rise
Yellow Moon on the rise

Yellow Moon on the rise
Yellow Moon on the rise

Check out the lyrics to Future Days which is also from Lightning Bolt.


230 comments:

  1. Awesome Lyrics! Another Great Song!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Album is awesome! Great lyrics as always! EDDIE VEDDER LOVE XO

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Are you kidding?

      Delete
    2. Oh, I think it is the Best one! Love it!

      Delete
    3. Pobre pelotudo haciendose notar. Anda a escuchar los grupejetes terrajas que te encantan, negro villero puto

      Delete
  3. OMG I think it is one of the finest but I do love the entire album.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Absolutely One of the best with Pendulum band Father's Son! A great album of course!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awesome as Always! Love all the songs on album!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Amazing song! For me - no. 1 on the album (but the whole album is great!).
    I'm always amazed how they can create such a wonderful song.

    ReplyDelete
  8. my absolut best and favorite song of the album!, lots of eddie in this album!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Me encanta! Pero alguien me puede explicar qué quiere decir Eddie con esta canción?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Para mim é sobre o circulo da vida, começo e fim, sempre a avançar para algo novo.

      Delete
  10. Microphone Check 1,2,1,2

    This is in response to the Icelandic Memory Lane.
    Remember the Navy Exchange Fortune Teller's vision? About how your future wife was right behind you?
    It came true, yesterday morning. :O)
    I was "right behind you" and you didn't see me. :O(

    I enjoyed hearing about the cabbage & pizza garden and making the middle finger with the Lite Brite.
    You are very clever. I just made rainbows and smiley faces with my LB. I'm so ordinary. ;o)
    I liked how you were willing to give away your Matchbox cars too because it made other kids happy.
    You seem genuinely thoughtful. <3
    You also are very keen & sharp because...you say stuff like, "legal loophole of semantics".
    In a way, I can envision you absorbing information as people dole it out to you and you chuckling under your breath before you voice your perspective. I think you find many people amusing on an every day basis but because you are so much more "in tune", most people bore you.
    I think you are enthralled & intrigued by intelligence.
    I also believe that there are times when your mind can get a little too cocky (for lack of a better word) and you hurt people, unknowingly, because you think they won't get your sarcasm (but they do). That's when you accidently hurt peoples feelings. I don't believe there is malicious intent behind your sarcasm but one needs to be very careful when they are a master at humor & vocabulary.
    And you are, Carl. :O)

    I truly love having exchanges & conversations with you.
    I probably could talk to you all night long and I'm not one to be hanging out pass the Midnight Hour often.
    Carl, I probably would push through that internal clock of mine and talk all night with you.
    (That's a compliment)

    Here's a story for you-
    My first serious relationship was when I was the Fall after I graduated High School.
    I ran with a crowd similar to 'Dazed & Confused' and though my parents were incredibly loose reined with me they were very stern about my being sexually promiscuous. I think it was more so they dreaded the thought of my getting pregnant and being forced in to a marriage. That can turn in to one Hell of a snowball, fast.
    Back to the story- there was a man who was considerably older than me who wanted to "woo" me. I kid you not. He was very handsome, very successful (worked for a big city newspaper) and very wise. I made some comment in passing that he was attractive and two shakes of a lamb's tail and he was there in my face. I asked a friend of mine who spent every Summer in Greece his thoughts on the matter (getting involved in the May-December relationship) and he told me it was common place in Europe.
    That it was the norm almost b/c older men taught younger ladies how to become "real lovers". (!)
    I suppose there is truth in that if the older man is a romantic not so much if he's a creep but anyhow...
    this gent that wooed me was a gentleman.
    We were together for over 2 years. I was treated like G-O-L-D.
    Another male friend of mine, about 8 years ago, told me, "That man ruined you." I asked him what he meant by that and he stated, "Because now you won't settle for anything less. Being treated as gold."
    My feelings on the matter- That that is not a bad thing.
    I am not asking for luxury cars or jewelry that rivals Elizabeth Taylor's baubles. I'm not asking for marble floors or Nip/Tuck dynamics.
    My desire truly requires someone to have backbone, integrity and commitment to our relationship.
    If you say I'm Number 1, treat me like I'm Number 1.
    Communicate with me about Your Feelings.
    Let me know how I can make your life more enjoyable, pleasurable and peaceful.
    Be there when I need you and I will do the same.
    All that kind of stuff. The material things are secondary. They're fun but that's not what keeps "US" glued together. It's the caring.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My Part 2 about whom I fell IN LOVE with after this First Relationship is coming up...

    ReplyDelete
  12. The First Man to Win My Heart, Wins.

    After 2 years with this older man, I felt it was time to spread my wings and break off the relationship.
    It's not that we didn't care about one another, we did, but he was really pushing the marriage card in my direction and...well, truthfully, I wasn't even 21 years old, yet.
    Besides it was a bit taboo and I was in no frame of mind to go around "defending" our attraction to one another.
    He was a great man, though. He taught me to drive a clutch. He took me regularly on picnics in pretty fields and he found joy in buying me lots of fresh shrimp for dinner. (at the time, that was my favorite meal)
    He also was quite a conversationalist, oddly enough, having been in the Army.
    He wore two pieces of gold jewelry that were sentimental to him.
    One being a pinky ring that was the head of a lion. The other being a necklace of his astrological birth symbol with the flip side being his birthdate.
    Enough about him.

    I was hanging out with a close friend of mine a good deal and at a party that she & I attended, I heard a little bird singing. It piqued my curiosity enough, let's just say.
    I'm definitely not an "easy sale" when it comes to choosing lovers. Actually, I would venture to say I'm challenging, at times. j/k
    (I can hear a number of people in my life laughing, right now.)

    I knew I needed to "find" someone more my age...someone to grow with, I guess?
    But intellectually, for myself, it's always been slim pickings. (?)
    I guess I'm just weird like that?
    Maybe, I too, get bored easily by people?

    FAST FORWARD a few years later...
    I met this fellow that I would say was "different", in a good way. He was/is my LB person. No doubt ever crossed my mind. Ever.
    But the monkey wrench with that was he lived on the West Coast while I lived on the East Coast.
    And our meeting was an absolute "fluke", if you believe in flukes? (which I do not!)
    ;o)
    It's very complicated and I hope you can somehow manage to follow along with me?

    WHAT IS MY POINT?

    My point is, if you're not willing to put in the hard time,
    the blood sweat & tears...
    if you're not willing to ride out the storm
    or
    if you tuck in your tail more often than not...
    you probably aren't ready for real love.
    Real love isn't a cake walk.
    Never has been, never will be.





    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FMTWMHW, Part 2

      This LB guy, he got me. Right off the bat. And it was mutual.
      But we also needed to really get to know one another, heart & soul...and that's when things got chaotic.
      I am willing to say this- this man, he is like NO OTHER.
      Certainly like no one that I've ever crossed paths with before or after.
      He is so incredibly unique & beautiful.
      Words will never justify who he is.
      He manages to come up with the most creative ways to express his feelings for me that he leaves me speechless at times. Me. Speechless. F*ck! That's a mouthful. ;o)
      But that is "his way".
      He won my heart in the blink of an eye.
      And no one will EVER compare or rival him. Ever.

      So...what's a gal to do, Carl?
      Do YOU have any suggestions for ME?
      I would LOVE to hear your thoughts/feelings on my dilemma.

      Since you seem to be in a similar predicament, how would you suggest I handle my scenario?

      I fell for him. He fell just as hard for me.
      And...we're not together.
      Should I drop him my number and say I wish to talk?
      Should I just "let him go"?
      Should I...what?

      Any suggestion would be greatly & eternally appreciated.

      -FREYA

      Delete
  13. Wow, you really nailed me sister...that is, your assessment of my personality is intuitively astute. You really have the 3rd eye. People sometimes do bore me intellectually but I always find a way to respect, appreciate and enjoy them. I'm glad your guy treated you like gold. You deserve it.

    I'm going to go take 10 minutes to sip my vodka, seltzer and OJ and think about how I should respond to your LB dilemma...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's more amusing is that older gent use to always have a gin & tonic with a lime in the evening!

      That weirdness is neverending.

      :op

      Delete
    2. Take my advice with a grain of salt and tequila as I am biased in my own predicament. I know that is difficult for women to make a move because they don't want to seem desperate...that being said, if you could find a reason to call him that seems legit, but doesn't make you seem to forward, you could use that as an opportunity to feel him out and drop your digits on him. If you recall from your old guy romance story, all you needed to do was give the slightest compliment (green light) and he took the initiative. Men, like women, don't like to be rejected and they can be encouraged to see a person in a more intimate light if made to feel good via compliments and subtle green lights...if you can find a way that is comfortable for you to reach out to him that doesn't feel desperate and nonchalantly give him your number, I bet he'll make the next move.

      I'm in a slightly different situation because my next attempt at communication will likely cause a legal ruckus. And even though that won't stop me, I'd give anything to hear from my LB lady-love and get some indication of where she's at for better or worse. I could take it from there and make the best of it.

      I say play the guy like a fiddle to get his interest. Call him, tell him you accidentally butt-dialed him, make a few subtle yet playful innuendos, and give your number in a way that says, here's where you can reach me if you ever want to catch up...something like that...I'm sure you know what men like to hear more than I. I've never seduced one...not intentionally anyway. I was hit on by a gay guy in college once. I'm no expert on love and like I said I'm biased, but in this new age world I see no reason why a woman can't reach out even just to subtly ignite the spark...I'd be happy with a, "Ok what the f*** do you want Carl?"

      Delete
    3. A legit reason to call him?
      Hmmm?
      Have you ever seen that silly movie with Richard Gere & Julia Roberts called 'The Runaway Bride'?
      I highly doubt it but the reason I bring it up is there is a scene in it that you must try to find-
      Or waste a cpl hrs and watch the entire flick...because...it leads up to this one scene where he proposes and the line is a perfect summary of the entire movie.
      He says to the effect "So what do you say? Hmm? Eh? Uh?"

      I like the subtly suggest suggestion.
      And yes, this is "The New Age" and all but...like Jerry Lee Lewis sang 'Goodness Gracious'
      This isn't about seducing him, btw.
      That's not what my intent or goal is with him.
      This is something much more profound & connective.
      Please refer to the third eye comment you made.
      ;0)
      It's odd you should mention getting hit on by a guy, too, because I was seriously hit on by a gal in Hollywood once.
      I went to a Concrete Blonde concert while visiting a friend of mine who worked for WEA.
      This super pretty Bohemian chick & I got in to a really interesting conversation.
      It went on for probably a good 45 minutes when she leaned in to me & asked politely, "My ex-girlfriend is here and she has been standing across the room staring at us, talking."
      I smiled, replying, "Ok."
      She continued, "I was wondering if you would make out with me so I could make her jealous?"
      Uh-huh, I thought.
      But there was a beautiful girl across the rooming watching us, sure enough.
      I felt though as if I was being targeted for a little sex party thing?
      There was a vibe...you know,
      Hollywood Lipstick Lesbian Sex Party vibe?

      But back to real love,
      I am going to take your advice, Carl, because I like you.
      We have been chatting for 2 months already and I really like you & feel as if you kinda sorta maybe "get me".
      :0)
      I don't have this man's phone number b/c he has moved since we last spoke and he has undoubtedly changed his cell phone, too.
      He can be elusive like an enigma but...
      I can track him down via FB!
      :0)
      FB has relevancy, for once!!!
      I will have to go get a Facebook acct, I suppose?
      Can you join FB anon?
      I guess that wouldn't be chill though?
      I need to be confident.
      Carl, I'm going to put my self "out there".
      I am going to send me a short note and see if he responds.
      If he doesn't contact me, I suppose it wasn't meant to be but atleast I tried.
      :0)
      What's the worst he could say?
      No, right?
      But I won't know if I don't ask.

      Cheers to subtle hints and reunions!

      (Glasses clink and we drink)

      Delete
    4. My advice may not have been completely sound. I had a few cocktails with a friend just before writing it. I prefer direct honesty rather than 'seeming legit' :) I wish my situation wasn't so convoluded with strange circumstances that complicate what should be very simple. :P It sounds like you have a pretty sensible attitude toward your situation. It almost sounds as if the universe is out to set an example of practical behavior with your help for others to learn from. ;-)

      I'm really glad that you reached out to your LB man. I'm also glad to hear that you have a plan to deal with it either way. I do get you. It sounds like we're surfing a similar wave length. You are very empathetic, insightful and articulate. I'm sure your note will get across to him. I hope he sees you for who you are too.

      I don't think I'm ever going to have my LB woman. I care too much and she doesn't seem to at all. Half my ticker is going to hurt for life. I still have the other. I've been pushing through dark days with a smiley face mask since I arrived on earth...maybe that's just who I am.

      I happened upon a site from a popup that shows you who a number is registered to. Privacystar.com. I plugged in mine and a few friends and it was right every time. The number I had for her was registered in her husband's name...and it always rings to voicemail. I have a feeling she changed it and he kept it to keep tabs on her. He was cartoonishly livid when he showed up at my door...he intercepted my attempts to contact her. She may very well not even know that I called and texted her. Someone else suggested that he may be excessively insecure for a reason...and that she was so angry, as opposed to being indifferent or appropriately angry given the circumstances...because there's more than meets the eye with her feelings for me...I don't know. Something isn't right...but life has been that way for the last 4 years. I think I need to have a brief direct heart to heart with her. I'm taking suggestions on how to make that happen. There may be cash prizes awarded if it helps me.

      If I had my way, we'd be soaking sun on a beach somewhere...her laughing, slightly annoyed from re-reading the same sentence of her novel while I make weird random adorable statements to interupt her as I eye up the surf and tide...bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt...[smacks the snooze button]

      I like your lesbian story. More please. :)

      Delete
    5. Thank u for the nice note.
      Too kind. :0)
      You're a little pervy, huh?
      I like that.
      I tend to be a little kinky myself but that's a "behind closed doors" topic.
      I mean I'd probably share with my LB man but...not really interested in doing it here.
      I have enough stories tho.
      As far as that gal, she didn't take no for an answer.
      She was persistent as sin.
      Right now I need to go retrieve people at the airport.
      I'm pressed for time.
      Let me for back to you way later this evening.

      Also I myself have been daydreaming of a trip to Sayulita.
      I need some toes in the sand time with my LB man would be super sweet but...
      Who knows?
      He needs to call me first.
      We're a long ways away from escaping to some exotic/erotic locale.

      Again, thank you for the kind words.
      It means a good deal to me.

      Delete
    6. Well you can't just bring up a lipstick lesbian story and not expect to peak a man's interest. Why do we like lesbians? It's basic math...two of something we like.

      I am curious to learn more about your LB. I've been doing most of the talking. What is it about your LB that gives you the zaps? [places fists under jaw and rests elbows on computer desk] ...let's dish. :)

      Delete
    7. You have such an amusing intellect. (BASIC MATH)
      You do have a knack for making me laugh.
      *slowly bats eyes as a "Thank You"*

      I did want to share a interesting story with you too about another bizarre incident I found myself in but first would like to answer your question.
      :0)

      What gives me the "ZaP" feeling?

      Funny you should ask that, Carl, because yesterday I read something that blew my mind in a way regarding my attraction to this man.
      It was something I stumbled upon in a synchronistic way meaning I believe it was information the cosmos thought I needed to "find".
      I really needed almost 24hrs to absorb this "revelation" and am sort of getting in to a relaxed state with it now.

      To answer your question...

      Delete
    8. I suppose you first should understand that I am, hmmmmm? How do I put this?-
      More intuitive than the average clothed ape!
      It's safe to say I a bit hippy-ish.
      I revel in nature.
      I'm DEFINTELY in touch with that innate sense that lives within us all but as a dear friend has said countless times to me, "You ARE feely."

      I go on my instincts a good deal.
      I listen to vibrations.

      With my LB man, the initial draw or what "lured" me to him and still does after all this time is simply an energy.
      His energy truly, deeply, mysteriously calls to my energy.
      The "ZaP" feeling happened initially, I'd say the first 10minutes I spoke with him
      We have a way between us whereby we bounce off one another like a really cool game of ping pong.
      And then I get this crazy elated feeling where I ask myself, "Wow. I feel like we know each other!"
      Like a comfort zone beyond normal.
      And then I can look at him (his eyes & smile) and see he's aware of what's happening, too.
      :0)
      Does that make sense?
      There's a very familiar repore between us.
      It uncanny, to say the least.

      So initially, that was the first ZaP!

      There was a connection between us that has never happened before or since, atleast for me...you'd have to speak with him to hear his thoughts on me b/c I don't know what is going on inside his heart & mind?
      Geez, I sure with I had a clue.
      :0)

      The next ZaP! between us happened a few years later, due to our individual circumstances
      I had attempted to maintain contact with him but wasn't certain he was listening to me?
      His life was very crazy at the time so...I sorta had to roll with it.
      Ya know, trust my instincts.
      :0)

      Actually, I'd have to ask him this but I ran in to him maybe 2 months in to moving to the city where he lives!
      I was leaving a nightclub and he was standing outside on the sidewalk with 3 women.
      Our eyes met. We hadn't seen or talked to one another in a few years but I'd put down $100 to say he recognized me in that fleeting moment.
      I give that encounter a baby ZaP!
      ;0)

      The real ShaZam! moment came when he kissed me, a few months later.
      I don't want to describe the kiss here or actually with anyone but him but suffice it to say- it was tender, loving, passionate, meaningful and over way too abruptly.
      He sort of caught me off guard with the kiss.
      I do recall the moonlit sky that night and sharing some giggles with him before the kiss.

      From there the ZaP moments were unfortunately hit or miss.
      In my heart, I believe we were suppose to be made aware of one another but our paths were not be shared in unison.
      There were other experiences that needed to happen for both of us.

      This is what I am aware of, Carl.
      I feel this man to the core.
      I can hear is voice in a crowded room ride above.
      I can sense him especially if we are in a crowded room and he is looking at me from a distance without my knowing.
      When we do make eye contact, the joy I feel deep within overcomes me.
      Kind of like, "There you are!" Happiness.
      It like "I didn't even know I was looking for you but I'm so delighted you're here."
      Does that sound goofy?
      Maybe but that's what it feels like.
      The connection.
      There is something truly familiar about him.
      And though we haven't spent much time & space together in my heart the love for him thrives.
      :0)

      Delete
    9. HEAR HIS VOICE RISE ABOVE

      Delete
    10. Here's that other story I wanted to share.
      THE WORST VALENTINES DAY EVER!

      I was in Peoria, AZ for Spring Training maybe about 10years ago. It was Valentines Day and I wasn't about to sit in an apartment all melancholy because no one brought me flowers or wanted to see me dancing around in sexy lacy underwear.
      I came up with the idea I'd atleast go have a drink & bite at the swank & hip Sportsbar across from the Park.
      You know, get out & socialize, atleast.
      Now keep in mind, hip Sportsbars are NOT my regular joint.
      I've probably been in one about 10x in my entire life, just not my scene.
      So I ended up chatting to this couple at the bar. Both really cool & the guy was very interesting. She was from Europe (Germany).
      I don't know? It was Valentines Day, he was fun to talk to and I had a stiff drink in me...
      he asked if I wanted to dance.
      It was mostly R&B, funk and classic rock.
      The dance floor was half full.
      He asked about 2-3 times and then insisted I come dance with him.
      We get out on the floor...mind you, one good drink in me and...we started to get a groove going...and it was fun & innocent.
      Then he leaned in for a kiss!
      And we kissed and...it wasn't bad but I was a tad confused.
      So I politely pulled away and tried to play it off.
      He wasn't having it.
      That's when I realized, "Maybe I've had too much to drink?"
      We ended up back over at the bar with his wife.
      He kept apologizing and I just kept saying, "Don't worry about it. No big deal."
      Next thing he says is, "I really like you. I really enjoyed kissing you."
      Here's my face-
      :0/
      Want to know my feelings???-
      F*ck. I'm way too drunk to drive and I need to get out of here.

      The guy says, next "It's Valentines Day and I was hoping to maybe give my wife you as a gift? If you want to come back to our place with us?"

      I will break it down for you here, Carl. I'm open to a good deal and I love to feel Joy! but I am all about intimacy.
      I'm not too in to cheap thrills or meaningless encounters.

      I left that bar almost immediately but because I was drunk was sensibly forced to sit outside in my car, crying.
      It was awful.
      The hands down worse Valentines ever.
      I couldn't even drive 2miles back to my temporary haven.
      I sat there, stuck. Alone. Crying.

      I've only told maybe 3 ppl that story.
      Feel honored.
      ;0)

      Delete
    11. Wow. That was a sucky experience...especially since you never expressed any romantic interest or gave him any confusing signals outside of an innocent spin around the dance floor...sounds like he was already a bit drunk himself to ask that of a stranger that wasn't into being kissed by a married man in front of his wife. Yeah that's awkward.

      Why didn't you call a cab silly?

      Delete
    12. I couldn't call a cab. I was down there for work. If my boss caught wind that I was out drunk the night before and left my vehicle at a bar...it wouldn't have reflected well on my character.
      And my profession is seriously based around character.

      I don't believe the fella was drunk, either. It was moreso, "This gal is attractive & alone & talking to me. We're in to threesomes with strangers. Let me see if she's down?"

      His wife was totally fine with her man coming on to me.
      In fact, she probably picked me out to begin with.
      Chicks dig me.
      LOL

      Delete
    13. :) I know I'd have to be on something potent to try to make that happen...even if wifey was down with OPP. I'm adventurous and open minded but I'd really have to break character for that. Good for you for standing ground even in that state.

      Delete
    14. It was probably the fact she was European!
      Those European girls...yay yay...or L.A. Either way, kinda super freaky kinky.

      OPP. Funny.

      Delete
  14. Ok.
    :0)
    I did it!

    I tried to make my note short & sweet.
    I put an inviting photo up of me at the beach in Jamaica.
    Nothing risqué.
    Just something that says, "I'm not going to hurt you."

    If he calls, cool.
    If he doesn't, I need to accept it.
    He either has feelings for me or not but I'm not one to beat myself up too long over the past.

    He either calls me or I need to let him go.

    Thanks for the nudge, Carl.
    I am eternally grateful.

    :0)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Let me know how this works out I think I may have to make a reappearance on FB and take a similar approach...sans bikini. I won't start my manscaping until the snow melts. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  16. FOR THE RECORD-

    In keeping with Pearl Jam I would like to state this regarding Lipstick Lesbian Lovefest.

    Carl, do not doubt that I can pull hot women my way just as quickly as any member of PJ.
    :0)
    I bet I probably could even land women that wouldn't even be entertained by the men of PJ.
    Beautiful intelligent sexy goddesess!

    I am fully aware of my power.

    That being said- I'm head over heels, never will there be another, IN LOVE with a man.
    And he's pretty f'n cool and I'd never do anything to mess up what he & I share together.

    Just a little side note.



    ReplyDelete
  17. Since I still patiently waiting for this phone call, go ahead & hit me up with more questions.
    :0)
    But of course I'm hoping you are conversing with me your antedotes?
    or sharing similar stories?

    This doesn't need to be lopsided, Carl.
    :0)

    Here's a question-
    What goes through your mind & body & soul when you look at your LB woman?
    Do you just want to kiss her all the time?

    By the way, I don't believe she gets annoyed by you as much as you imagine.
    When u described sitting on the beach with her...
    I bet she finds you strangely magical.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I study her face for a second...I'm always fascinated by her face...I like her nose...it's slightly round and pudgy like mine...and her gum line...it's lower like Kirsten Dunst's ...her dimples are awesome...cheeks are round...I'd like to bite her cheeks...she sort of resembles a brunette Kirsten Dunst...with a pinch of Sigourney Weaver thrown in for tough chick good measure...then I look at her smile...and I smile.

      And all I want is to be in charge of maintaining that smile...I mean keeping her happy...not um flossing her...because there is nobody more willing or fit to do that job...anywhere. My sadness comes from not having that job.

      Delete
    2. How could she find me strangely magical when all she's asked for is a disappearing act? She's not seeing this. If I or someone else sent her a link to this site, the second she scrolled down to see my name...Dink!...X'ing out of the browser window. Of course I'd want to kiss her...and i'd be annoying about it for a while but that would calm down and it would be tolerable levels...

      Delete
    3. Tolerable levels of constant kissing & fornicating. ;o)

      You ARE strangely magical, for sure. I'd definitely hire you for "the Job".
      Can you start tomorrow?

      ;o)

      Delete
    4. I'm a ...ahem...hard worker. [ bows stage left...center..right]

      Delete
    5. I give you a standing ovation ony back, with a blissful smile.

      You shall get an immediate raise!

      Delete
  18. CARL,

    I wanted to add to my response to your question
    "WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOUR LB THAT GIVES YOU THE ZAPS?"

    What is it about him exactly?
    So you need me to pinpoint?
    There is a distinct knowing...in his eyes.
    That is probably the initial draw.
    I'd hate to sound cliche but there is truth in the saying that the eyes are the window to the soul.
    :0)
    There is a certain warmth in his smile that invites not only me but many others to long to converse with him.
    He is incredibly entertaining, in many respects and very clever with words.
    I appreciate his flirtatious manner (he can be wicked when he combines his wit with his smile!).
    He shows concern for the people around him and that sort of nature is not missed on me, for a moment.
    I will share with you this-
    when he & I shared our kiss underneath the moonlight, I was pouring my heart out to him.
    It wasn't planned, the conversation just quickly evolved and suddenly, his demeanor & facial expression went from findings amusing & likely a tad weird to a 360 degrees and he truly heard my heart speaking to him.
    Again, it's how the conversation oddly unfolded in the matter of 1minute.
    That was when he decided to kiss me.
    <3
    And in THAT moment, touch my heart.

    For me, it was beautiful AND overwhelming.

    There is also another memory at the forefront of my mind where I had made a picture book about our chemistry.
    I gifted it to him, in the hopes it would tell him how I felt about him...
    and then never heard a word from him in regards.
    That is until I heard through a mutual friend that he was slated to be on national television for some work he was involved in.
    So, that night I got together with a couple of girlfriends to see him on tv, for entertainment & so when I did next see him I could say that I watched.
    I don't even know how to write this experience....
    when he came on, my girlfriends asked me to point him out b/c they personally did not know him.
    I was looking at the television like,
    "What the heck is he wearing?"
    sorta dumbfounded, perplexed and amused.
    My friends are asking me, "Is that him?!!!" "What's up with the outfit?!!"

    And ZAP!

    He got me AGAIN!
    This time profoundly so.
    This time he won me.

    He was dressed in an outfit that I had done in the storybook I gifted him!
    UNBELIEVABLE.
    Who does that?!!!
    It was so bold.
    So beautiful.
    So touching.

    It was amazing!
    Again, he left me speechless.

    In that moment, I knew.
    I knew he got me & he loved me.
    :0)

    I just needed to add that here.
    Give credit where credit is due.

    I hope that answered your question, Carl.

    :0)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hmmm?
    March 13th I gave him my number and so far, nada.
    I'm going to take that as a "I'm not interested." at this point.

    Oh well, I guess my "feelers" were off. :O(

    Carl, it was nice chatting with you.
    I need to seriously get back to my path and stop all the dreaming.

    Thanks for the stories and your words of wisdom and for making me smile.

    <3
    Freya

    ReplyDelete
  20. Freya,

    How was it that you gave him your number? Was it through facebook? Are you certain that he checks his facebook often? Most people involved in the entertainment industry are on Twitter these days.

    Just when I thought I knew you, I don't get you Freya. :c/

    It's been 4 days and you're ready to throw in the towel? You realize It's been 4 years, 2 cease and desist requests, 1 angry husband confrontation, 1 angry LB confrontation and countless days of pain and heartbreak....and that woman still has cognitive real estate in a brain that is already over run with imagination, analytic thinking and self-amusement...I didn't even know how she fits in there, slinky or not.

    Oh the luxury of being able to choose not to be stupid in love with someone...I remember those carefree days...just before the spring of 2009. That Carl was a front man in a hard rock band...oh the winks I used to get in the days before some chick turned me into a quivering pile of defeat...back when I smiled all the time I had to fight em off with my stick. ;-)

    Even LB woman was a little surprised that I was crushing on her at first...before I metamorphosized into the psychological equivalent of the Elephant Man...."doooooooon't LOOK AT ME?!!!!"

    To be frank, falling in love has been a nightmare. Some days I want it to be over...really over. I don't act on that because I'm not a coward. But when you care this much about someone, in a healthy way (despite what it seems like) as an intelligent, complex thoughtful human being who has everything to offer...but no connection to the one he so craves like water in the desert...you're just floating in time. I used to kick ass and take names...I was tough as nails and full of fortitude. I still am, but I have this ghost that won't stop haunting me...and to be honest, I don't want her to even if I could make it stop. I found one person in this world who stimulates me mind, body and soul...one person in all of my travels. I meet people, and they're like glass, and without them even sensing it, I stare deep down into them and I see everything, good and bad, if you want to use those terms, with just a little body language and a 10 minute conversation I know them like they're family...it's a curse I developed by being traumatized at such a young age that I didn't understand why people do what they do...so I spent the next several decades analyzing every behavioral pattern I came across...I listened, I interacted, I engaged and observed...and I learned how to see people, really see them, without them knowing how much my perception and cognizance was hovering above everyone else around me...and they all thought I was so much simpler than them...and I never let on because it was something I had to develop to figure out who was safe and who was toxic...a parent that shakes his infants out of rage to stop crying...a nun that tears out a clump of hair from a 6 year old for no good reason...a group of teenage boys that rape a younger boy...a father who terrorizes and mocks his son...a mother who looks the other way out of fear and denial...a teacher that makes a shy quiet kid show the class a picture of him eating his own puke because "how dare he be withdrawn in my class"...a group of ghetto-fabulous teens that don't have the balls to fight one on one so they gang up on the quiet long-haired guy until he finally snaps and they all become afraid of him...who can you trust in this world when not being able to trust means all of those things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I meant to say was, how do you know who to trust, when those things happened at the hands of those you were supposed to trust...

      Delete
    2. Carl,

      It makes me sad to hear how anguished you are about your LB woman. I am genuinely sorry. I wish I could extend a hug to you. Perhaps you can imagine me giving you a hug? :O)
      Did I say my LB person was in the Entertainment Industry? I just mentioned him being on television one time but I wouldn't necessarily label him an entertainer though if he wanted to be one, he probably could have been one. He also does not do Twitter. I don't tweet, either, so consider us old folk. ;o) We're dinosaurs, I suppose?
      Also, Carl, you misunderstand. I was not necessarily "throwing in the towel". I would NEVER do that with this man, ever. I love him too much to EVER give up on him or our being together. What I said was I was giving up on him calling me which isn't to say he wouldn't or couldn't call me next week...when I least expect it! All I meant was, I wasn't anticipating or expecting him to call me any more. No expectations.
      How would even began to know what is going on in his life?!!
      We haven't actually talked to one another in years.
      I haven't any clue what is going on with him. (True Story)

      I am sorry that YOU FEEL as if falling in love has been "a nightmare". I, personally, do not share your sentiments in regards to my situation, at all.
      Has it been hard? YES. Has it been challenging? YES. Are there real days when I want to scream at the top of my lungs b/c I do not understand WHY we aren't together? YES.
      Would I want it to be any different if it meant he & I had no awareness of one another, whatsoever? NO.
      The fact is, Carl, this man makes me feel so much strength, so much conviction towards the greater good in life that I would never want wish him away. I love him so deeply that I have no doubt in my mind that he is "my one".
      Actually, I will fill you in on something here. I will let you do your own delving & sleuthing and come to your own conclusions because...it sounds as if your relationship & mine are incredible similar. This is information that I happened upon last week while ordering books from Amazon. (sorry for plugging them) Are you familiar with Soul Mates, Carl?
      I'm sure you are and possibly there are even times when you believe your LB might be your Soul Mate but...have you also heard of Twin Flames? You might want to read a little about what that relationship entails. You may just get your mind blown, I mean if you are in to Metaphysics? Some people aren't. Some stick with Darwin and that's all good n plenty but...Twin Flames. :O)

      I understand when you describe how anguished you feel but honestly, it does not NEED to be that way, Carl. I am listening to EVERY SINGLE WORD you are sharing with me. Every single feeling you express, I am taking that on, embracing it, healing it and letting it go.
      You release it, I hold it.
      I heal it with love and let it go.
      And together, we set it free. :O)

      You have nothing to worry about.
      Your heart is safe with me.
      I am your friend.

      You need to re-learn to trust. Not fend off those that care and if you need to start here today with me and get your bearings, that's alright.
      I do not mind.

      We each have strengths & weaknesses. Allow my strengths to balance you and maybe you can do the same for me?

      Thoughts?

      Delete
    3. Btw the vomit boy picture was a drawing that the teacher confiscated and made me show the class. It was not a 1980s instamatic selfie for child youth services. Just wanted to clarify that...I can't believe I even have to write this...my 'rents are weird.

      Delete
    4. Well that makes much more sense.
      The drawing.
      :9)

      Delete
    5. I need to jump in here real fast, Carl, because you mentioned being a front man for a band and how you had to beat advances off from handfuls of seductresses.
      That reminded me of a story with my LB man.
      Granted, he isn't in a band but like I mentioned people are drawn to him and he's insanely handsome. He just has a certain magnetism. :O)
      Any ole ways, one night, we ran in to one another at a nightclub and all that Zap! stuff was happening between us. We were talking and it was like everyone else in the room was blurred or out of focus. If you can envision that?
      There were these 3 gals out of my peripheral sizing him up, unbeknownst to him.
      So he & I are chatting, flirting, being absolutely gaa-gaa for one another when the super pretty gal idles up and interrupts our conversation! No joke.
      This chick just acted like I was vapor! :op
      (Actually, I'm his LB- "Hello!!??!")
      She says, "Excuse me," (playing dumb but she was just a really bad actress) ;o)
      and she continues, "do you know where the Ladies Room is?"
      My LB man cracks a smile and says, "No."
      This gal tried to keep making conversation with him but he blew her off, saying, "Try downstairs."
      Carl, the Ladies Room was about, maybe 20 feet to our right! LOL
      This gal was well aware of where the W was as was my LB man but...completely absurd attempt to get his attention.
      You have to LOVE it.
      I just ignored the entire incident even though I watched it all go down before my eyes.
      It was oddly humorous to me and I think to him, too. (?)

      It's those kind of moments that make for good memories to share.
      :O)
      Remember the time...
      that super pretty girl tried to tempt you away from me and you only had eyes for me?

      And then...the really nice passionate kiss happens between "us" as we laugh about it.

      This is how to remind yourself to see the silver lining.

      By the way, Silver Linings Playbook, the movie. Good flick, if you haven't seen it.

      Delete
  21. So I learned to read people...really well. And long after those wounds had mostly healed, I still had that X-Men power...and I studied every person I crossed...and I always see beauty because its always there...but there's a lot of ugliness and it wears you down when you can see it all and it doesn't help being the sensitive artist guy...

    So I finally found this one person that makes everything else...just not matter...she's like the sun in my sky..."Why-i-hi...uh can't it be-e-e-e miiiine...doo-doo doot-doo..doo-doo-doo" ...she chases all the darkness away...out of sight and mind. And I know she's not perfect, it's not some unrealistic perception of blind love...she can be kind of a bitch sometimes too but let's face it...so can I...and bitchy can be hot.

    She must be dumbfounded as to why I feel the way I do from such a short time together...it's because of this mind-reader curse...in the brief time we were close and worked together...that's all I needed to really know her...the equivalent of 5-10 years for anyone else. I spent my whole life learning about people to keep the toxic ones away...and when I finally find a really good hearted sweet beautiful human being....and I could see her as if her very soul was naked...and I fell hard..but I was too stupid do a fucking thing about it.

    Back to you...it's been 4 days Freya. There is a huge discrepancy between the manner in which you speak of this gentleman and the modest effort you're willing to put into seeking him out. I don't know what the answer to your situation is because I don't seem to have any of them for my own circumstance...but it seems like you're throwing in the towel a little early. :c)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Again, I apologize that you feel as if I'm throwing in the towel with my guy. I've been IN LOVE with him for +20 years, one phone call not made does not extinguish the fire so easily, Carl.
      In actuality, he will ALWAYS have my heart but maybe he is happily married? Maybe he has children, too, he needs to think of?
      It would be silly & foolish for me to think his every move and decision in life revolves around me!
      or that all this time not hearing from me and what??? He should drop everything and come to me? No, I'm not that ego driven or naïve. He has a life and might even need TIME to really decide where I fit in to it, if I do!?

      I also would like to correct you, Carl, regarding "the modest effort".
      Do you truly believe my efforts with him have been minimal???
      I might just be incredibly discrete with what I am sharing with you, here in this forum???

      See, Carl, keep in mind, that I am private. And...this man means the WORLD to me.
      We both have a good deal at stake, in regards to our individual lives.
      As much as I AM attempting to forge a relationship with my LB, I too have other responsibilities & relationships to consider.

      What I think is HEALTHY for my situation is dialogue. A real authentic conversation.
      Where I am asking my LB man- "Do you think/believe we can be together? And if so, when?"
      I need that. I need that type of confirmation FROM HIM.
      I don't want to second guess things, anymore, nor await the hands of Fate to bring us together.
      I want real authentic conversation. His VOICE saying, "Yes, I want to be with you. Right now is not a good time. I need 3 months or 3 years." OR "No. I can't be with you. No, I have no idea when we will be together. Just go live your life and forget about us being together."

      Personally, I need that, Carl.
      I need confirmation either way.

      By having no expectations or letting the "fantasy" of us being together go...I can live a happier life. Understand?
      That doesn't mean I give up. It means I need to respect and accept it is not our time.

      Seriously, Carl, if your LB Woman called you and asked you to come be with her NOW and leave for pregnant wife, would you do it?
      If you needed to wait until the baby was born, how soon after would you leave that relationship to be with your LB Woman? or would you sit there, torn and anguished?
      Feeling stuck between a rock and a hard space?

      At some point, we all need to make choices. At some point we each need to find our comfort zone within our courage and just "GO FOR IT".

      So, again, I am not throwing in the towel. I love this man with every single solitary fiber of light that resides within me. Do not question or doubt my love for this man, please.
      Still, he needs to let me know when IF EVER he sees us being together.
      It is only fair.

      Can you understand any of that? Maybe? Possibly?

      And you are correct, bitchy can be hot. ;o)

      Delete
    2. I get you. Just checking. I'd hate to think you were giving up on something important to you. :)

      My plan to "GO FOR IT" is to contact her after my son is born. I will also be forthcoming with my wife about everything, though I suspect she already knows. I may contact LB sooner...I hate dragging my feet on something this important. I just imagine myself getting charged with harrassment for trying to contact her, my wife being upset and humiliated when people find out and her losing the baby. As you know I've given it much thought and sought advice from strangers and friends...I know what I have to do and the approach and tact are paramount to anything. I'd rather live with the hurt because of faulty timing than live happily ever after with a trail of broken hearts behind me...some pain you can't prevent but no matter what happens I want to mitigate hard feelings.

      I'm not planning to leave my wife and son the minute he's born and I'll never abandon his needs. But I'm not in love with my wife. I never have been. I hate to see that in writing because she's a rare person and I love her as family...but its not the same and the clock is ticking. However, his birth is my latest deadline to speak to LB. I'll probably contact her sooner. In the rare cosmic chance that she's somehow aware of this all, I'd have to get that resolve sooner for everyone's sake. I want to call now...but I'm walking a tight rope carrying a heavy load.

      Thanks again for being a willing listener for a complete stranger. That's also a rare quality and I appreciate it. :)

      Delete
    3. We're here together.
      Synchronicity.
      :0)

      That's all good news, Carl.
      I mean I understand how difficult this is for you...mainly b/c I feel as if we are in the same boat but I feel like living true is the name of the game for both of us.

      Anyhow- it's been nice chatting with you.
      You really seem like a cool guy.
      Maybe we will bump in to one another at a PJ show one of these days?
      You can't miss me I have tats.

      Any gal you might believe is me, is not, if she isn't tatted up.

      And again, it's FREYA.

      Delete
    4. I have two half sleeves. On one arm is an owl flying underneath a Full Moon. The other arm has the goddess Freya with her chariot.

      I sorta standout.
      ;0)

      Delete
    5. It was good talking to you too Freya...Goddess speed to you. :)

      Your tattoos sound very awesome. I've given tats before, basic tribal art and such, but I don't have any. I've thought of original ideas but nothing I'd be happy with long term. Maybe I'll get a lightning bolt going through a heart...or a mr. peanut with an up arrow to remind me to nut-up when I get too f'ing pathetic over this chick.

      BTW, in unrelated news I was once investigated by the FBI. It was kind of a hullabaloo of an ordeal. They poked through my life a bit for a while but I think they're long gone...for a second I wondered if you were a forensic psychologist doing some final investigative research for my file...not in some fearful paranoid way but more of a...oy it's THEM again. frickin...[mumbles obscenities]. But you're much too hip to be a federale'.

      Peace and goddess speed. :)

      Delete
    6. Hmmm.
      You want to hear something peculiar about me, Carl?
      I tend to not get involved with guys with tats.
      Isn't that strange?
      I wonder what that means?
      ;0)

      Thank you for sending Goddess energy my way, also.
      :0)
      (In my mind I'm thinking, " Damn this Carl cat is fine. If I wasn't already sprung, he'd be quite a catch."
      But then...I remind myself, you too are already "quite smitten".

      I feel fortunate for having the opportunity to meet you here.
      Technology can be so incredibly cool like that.

      :0)

      Delete
    7. GroOoOoOowl. ;c)

      Ahem, my eyes are UP HERE miss.

      Delete
    8. I know, I'm bad.

      Damn, it. Carl is getting me with his Dick Tricks, again.
      ;o)

      Delete
  22. By the way is your name pronounced like 'Fray-yuh' or 'Free-yuh'?

    ReplyDelete
  23. FRAY-UH

    as in the Norse Goddess

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I came across this on youtube and thought it might give you some insight-
      Stages of Twin Flame Relationships by emergegrowprosper
      It lists the 7 Stages, Characteristics and Purpose of TFR.
      It also mentions how difficult it is for couples to reach Stages 5-7.

      I know it might sound hokey...and it does...if you aren't feeling this type of love connection...but if you are, it does make a great deal of sense.
      I like understanding the unknown & mysteries.
      Even if all the answers aren't provided, I like awareness.
      I enjoy wrapping my mind around the mystical.

      Maybe this is why I enjoy Pearl Jam?
      There IS something esoteric about their music.
      :O)

      I hope this helps you, Carl.

      Delete
    2. Interesting. A little bit beyond my fancy but I get where you're coming from with that.

      Delete
    3. Understandable.
      Most men ARE NOT in to hocus pocus and pixie dust as such but...it could be real.
      I don't need to see something to believe in it.
      Again, IM A FEELER.
      ;9)

      Delete
  24. Carl,

    Normally, I would not write something like this in a public forum but I kind of feel as if we are speaking privately. I feel as if we can be vague enough in our writing to the point where we each are still getting our point/message/feelings across without jeopardizing our identities.
    That all being said, I just had this bizarre vision and feel like I am being asked to ask you something. I will not be offended if you choose to not answer this as it is a personal matter. If you are open to discussing this, I am willing to listen and possibly walk you through the heartache.
    Before I ask you this, I also want to ask you if you have ever listened to the singer, Sade?
    I listen to her a good deal, all the time. I have since she first started making music.
    The reason I bring it up is there are many evenings when I play Sade all night long in my house, even when I am fast asleep in my bed. When I awaken for the day, I hear her voice and sometimes just lay there, listening and song after song soothes me. Sometimes one particular song will "speak" to me as if a message is being evoked. This morning it was the song 'Couldn't Love You More If I Tried'.
    By the way, having this recent information about Twin Flames come my way, I have to wonder if the majority of Sade songs haven't been written about her own Twin Flame relationship.
    And maybe that is why her music has been so vital in life?

    This is what I feel compelled to ask you, Carl.

    In your life, has there been one or possibly even more than one tragic deaths that you somehow feel responsible for?
    I'm sorry to ask something so heavy and personal.
    I fully understand if you wish to not delve in the subject here. I can & will respect that.
    If you feel comfortable though, I am willing to listen. I am willing to reach out my hand and help you through this pain. It's ok either way. I am not asking or hear to judge you. I am your friend, wholeheartedly.
    In some magical way, maybe I was sent here to this site to engage you and guide you.
    Carl, I am only asking you this because laying in bed just now, I had a vision. (if you believe in such things)
    If you wish to share with me anything about anything, I am willing to listen.
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  25. I think all death is tragic. No, I'm not responsible for any deaths. None that I know of anyway. Why do you ask?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, ya know, I'm just moving the puzzle pieces around trying to get "The Big Picture" here.
      Your puzzle is one of those brain teasers. 1500 tiny pieces with pictures on both sides, similar colors & shapes.
      The kind that sits on the kitchen table for months and random people walk pass, saying "Slowly it's coming along."

      JUST TRYING TO COMPLETE THE PICTURE HERE.

      I find you fascinating, complex and "puzzling".
      Was thinking there's a really great reason you keep your LB gal at army's length.
      Must be a really good reason.

      Delete
  26. ARMY'S LENGTH/ ARMS LENGTH

    same thing

    ReplyDelete
  27. Army's length is more accurate. I have no predisposition to murder. I've had consensual rough sex that could have easily ended badly if I hadn't restrained myself beyond her preference. Tiny little thing but aggressive.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hmmm.

    Never a dull moment with you, Carl.
    The only time I did anything remotely close to S & M is buy some soft pink rabbit fur lined handcuffs.
    That and the candle wax...

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  29. Postscript-

    One of the craziest things any of my friends has ever requested of me is one asked to use my handcuffs for her night out with her man?!!!

    MY ANSWER- Aaaahhh, no.

    She then asked me why?!!!

    "You want to use my handcuffs for your sex game?!!"

    Now that's def kinky.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Very cool that you own them. Not cool wanting to borrow and return them. If they were just made of metal you could boil or alcohol swab them but fuzzy handcuffs? What if they came back crunchy?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're sick!
      Yeah, seriously, I thought "If they didn't have fur...maybe...like if I wanted to gift them to you indefinitely."
      But those pretty little things are sweet as sin and cost $40.
      Not cheaply made. The Real Deal.

      This is the same roommate that stole some pretty black & baby pink panties from me.
      I saw them in her laundry and said, " Ummm, these are mine?"
      She tried to insist they were hers but I asked, "What brand are they?"
      No reply.
      I then had to state my case.
      "They're Honeydew. You get them at Nordstroms and they're about $20 a pair. When did you start buying panties at Nordstroms?"

      At that point I just let her keep them. I mean her shanaynay & mine were not going to be co-mingling that way.

      Nothing like Roommate Pantie Snatchers!
      LOL
      Total Dirty Joke

      ;0)

      Delete
  31. It sounds like your former roommate needs to get her ass a job. Nordstroms huh? Fancy delicates. :c)

    Honestly, the guy in me just heard "two chicks fighting over a pair of panties" and I imagined something entirely different from the intended message of good hygiene. :c)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You & I should get together and write a Comedic Porn together. ROTFLMAO

      :O) :O) :O)

      I think we have a WINNER.

      Delete
    2. I also would like to add that typically I'm not one to name drop brands or where I shop (save for Amazon) ;o)
      but
      I feel like I bust my ass at work and make a decent living and I choose to spend my $ on nice lingerie. It's not my problem if other gals choose to spend their $ differently. That certainly doesn't give someone liberty to say, "Ohlala, this is sexy! I could use this for my date this wkend. I hope Freya doesn't mind."
      Any other articles of clothing or accessories, I'm fine with loaning out AS LONG AS they get returned but I'm going to draw the line at my "bedroom intimates".

      This is female stuff you probably aren't aware of but...there you have it. The Nitty Gritty Titty on Women.

      Delete
    3. I need to get back to work before I get caught but we could title our joint effort,
      STIMULATION.
      ;o)

      Delete
    4. I like the idea on several levels but I feel like comedy porno has been done. How about porno parodies of music videos. We could start with Pearl Jam.

      "Jeremy's bonin' in classss today..."

      "Oh I ...I...I'm still aroused..."

      "She can't find a bigger man..."

      "He still gives his love, he just gives it away...dressed as a pizza men, he unzips his fly...FLY!"

      That last one wasn't my best work but you get the idea. We could start a whole channel for the format: FTV. This has legs. Getting the artists' publishing company to sign off on this is the only real obstacle...and of course funding, staffing, creative talent, FCC approval and legal.

      It's late and I'm buzzed.

      Delete
    5. The best sentence of all of that was your last sentence. ;o)

      Sweet dreams.

      Delete
    6. Excuse me but did you say Comedic Porn has been done?
      Can you give me titles?
      I'm gonna research. ;o)

      Seriously, that was just a joke...us writing a porn. (Does porn really have a script???)
      :O)

      I'm not feeling the PJ parodyy thing, either. Sorry.

      But I must say,
      dressing up as a Pizza Delivery guy...that just might work. ;o)
      A little role playing never hurt ANYONE.

      Carl,
      Laughter is good for the soul.
      :O)

      Delete
    7. http://listcovery.com/23-funniest-porn-movie-parody-titles/


      Delete
  32. Carl,

    Hey. Yesterday morning, I had this little blurb pop in to my mind about you and possibly about me, too, but it would seem as if we are the type of heartbeats that need mental/emotional stimulation. Maybe more than the average, every day person. That's where I came up with that working title.
    So that being stated, can I ask you something?

    What do you fear with "being IN love"?

    I am listening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't fear love. I never have. I used to get wildly jealous and paranoid that my lady might cheat but I've learned to trust and accept the risk of living. The day I learned to surrender to those things I cannot completely control lifted a great burden of worry. I'd still deal and not tolerate it but I'd not worry unless it happened. As a side note I don't sense that my current lady or LB are serial cheaters. We never slept together because despite strong urges we both had a moment of conscience...though it was I who officially put the brakes on. Hardest thing I've had to do...lest anyone ever question my self control.

      Delete
    2. Uh-huh. Very interesting. Self control.
      I applaud you. Not many men would react the same way. The pull of passion would override the typical man's sensibilities but you are not anything close to being atypical.
      :O)

      Delete
    3. Carl, I need to also touch on something you brought up about serial cheaters or cheating (in general). When one party in a coupledom wanders outside of the marriage, usually it has nothing to do with that couple. Typically, the person that "strays" has something unresolved within themselves. When marriages fall apart, there are generally a number of reasons why it didn't work, not just cheating, if that were part of the picture. And some times, it is not even a factor. People grow apart or their belief system changes and/or possibly both people are not happy but only one person really is willing to admit it.
      Relationships are rarely cut & dry. They are multi-dimensional and tend to as layered as the Earth.
      Something else you may want to backlog in your mind is when people are jealous or paranoid that a partner might cheat...it tends to push the other person to be indifferent.
      Confidence in a relationship acts like glue which is why communicating & shared intimacy is so important. :O)

      There's also a whole lot to be said for Chemistry & Electricity between to people and then their combined maturity & depth of emotional bonding.

      Ok...now, let's go do something fun like skinny dip in a secluded pond!



      Delete
    4. Yeah, let me tweak my answer. I went through a jealousy phase. However, I've never truly been concerned. I've always sensed that if you be the man that a woman doesn't want to lose, she'll do right by you. If you thoroughly love someone, you don't leave much room for their hearts and eyes to wander. That being said, people are human and our bodies and minds are designed to love and be loved and therefore sometimes we stray. My point is that I'm not looking to waste another second of life on bad vibes when I'm healthy, there's a sun in the sky and people I care about walking around.

      Delete
    5. Ok. I hear you.
      I think if you truly put forth the time & effort in to pursuing a relationship and lay a solid foundation and do diligence on maintaining a healthy, loving and communicative relationship- it's easier to have the love build as oppose to crumbling.
      I think always keeping in mind everyone has desires & needs that must be addressed.
      And keeping things spontaneous & fun only adds to the dynamic of having a great relationship.
      "KEEPIN IT FRESH" as they say.

      Delete
  33. I hope you don't mind but I figured this maybe you'd be interested in a little "writing assignment"?

    Carl, answer this as best you can. Out of curiosity, how do you know when someone REALLY cares about your wellbeing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When they tell me what I need to hear, unpleasant or not and do so with an open heart and without malice...and respect me enough to hear me in turn. That's one way. Wow you are good at this. I have a busy day at work but I'll give these thought and reply tonight.

      Delete
    2. :O)
      GOOD ANSWER. (That's code for, "Me likey.")

      ;o)
      And yes, I'm good at a number of things. You are only scratching the surface. LOL

      Delete
  34. Name at the minimum 5 qualities you hope to instill in your son.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to pass on both my strengths and the wisdom of knowing my weaknesses.

      1. Courage\Fortitude. I want him to know and love challenge. I want him to face obstacles and uncertain times with a feeling in his core that he can overcome adversity. I'll also make sure that his adversity is lesser than mine was. Confidence has its place...it's the marketable appearance of courage...but courage is where its at. Life is full of reasons to be afraid. I want him to know how to deal with fear in a way that he can live a good life.

      2. Creativity. This is just as important as courage. He'll probably inherit this trait. You can't teach it but you can encourage it. I don't just mean having talent in art and music. Life is full of problems to solve. I want him to solve his.

      3. Love. I want him to know what it's like to be loved by family and friends, and how to return that by caring, listening and understanding people. Those 3 skills, according to Dale Carnegie, can make you very successful in life too. I had to learn how to trust late in life and I missed out on too much. I want him to get the whole experience from day 1. I want him to be the sort of person that other people intuitively understand without saying, he is someone to be respected and valued as someone of good heart and character.

      4. Humility. Most anyone can encourage their child to become successful at academics, sports, have a good social life and grow up to excel at whatever they set out to do. This is only half of success. The other half is remembering that no matter who you are or what you can do, you are just one person on a planet of billions, in a vast universe that probably contains other life. I believe this quality is vital to respecting others and yourself. Humility also means understanding that independence can only take you so far and that you have to be willing to reach out to others for help or life can be much harder than it needs to be. I just recently fully grasped this after a lifetime of stubborn emotional independence.

      5. Sense of humor. I want to teach my son how to appreciate the humor and absurdity in life. One thing I've learned is that no matter how dark your day is, you can make your own sunshine even if just for a moment...just by letting yourself laugh at the stupid shit. There's so much funny shit going on out there. It's a good feeling to be able to let yourself and others enjoy the moment. Life can be pretty hard. Humor is the best kind of defiance.

      Delete
    2. Impressive list.
      Sounds as if your son is being born underneath a lucky star.

      Delete
  35. Before it's all said & done, what do you hope to experience, that you have yet to?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Make love to my LB lady. Next Question.

      Delete
    2. I want to see more of the world, travel all of the continents. My father's been to every one but Africa. I want to see them all without having to cram into a 6x4 bunk. I'd like to get SOME art or music finally published...wealth would be nice but I really just want to leave my mark that I was here and was alive. Whether it's a novel, an album or a charcoal drawing of a fading soul...I have to put something of myself out there...not for my ego but for my purpose.

      Delete
    3. I am the descendant of a famous french artist with work in the Louvre. I don't expect that kind of success but i'd like to create something of beauty before I die.

      Delete
    4. I like the continents answer.
      Create something of beauty...I find it hard to imagine you haven't already but ok.

      The Louvre, huh? That's cool.

      Delete
    5. Wait! What was your initial response?!?!?!!

      You are very clever. :O)

      Delete
    6. Almost forgot! Where are you interested in going to in AFRICA, ASIA & S.A.?

      Delete
  36. Most influential person in your life before the age of 16 years for me was ________________.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That should read 'The most influential person in my life before the age of 16 yrs was ______.'

      Delete
    2. For better or worse, I think my father was the most influential person. I'd not be who I am today if it wasn't for him. Take what you want from that.

      Delete
    3. I take that as an honest answer. :O)

      Delete
  37. Now this is going to be tricky but...since it sounds as if you & your LB person have spend limited time together and it sounds as if possibly you are hoping to manifest a relationship and could end up being a couple...maybe even being underneath a roof together for a long period of time?
    What are 3 things she should know about you that you believe are important to having a happy & functional relationship together?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's see...we covered my being well endowed and passionate lovemaking...

      1. I forget shit. Constantly. I have systems that I use...to-do lists, calendars, tricky ways to remember names and details...but without these...I am a man floating through time and space. I wouldn't say that I'm a flake but I definitely have to keep on top of things and stay organized. A lot of people are like this. You just do what you have to to get shit done. I never forget anniversaries and Valentines day though. Just saying. This is important because some people can take it personally if you forget something that they think is important. I've learned to compensate for this by being so adorable that my lady can't be mad for very long. I don't manipulate, I just turn up the charm...sometimes it doesn't work. In all seriousness, I'm just one of those people that need structure to function. On the flip-side I'm very thoughtful and spontaneous...I keeps it fresh, light and fun. I know how to make a woman feel brand new. I've also found that they age slower when you do that...so that's a bonus. My wife is pushing 40 in a few years and she gets carded for alcohol regularly (sans fetus). Her parents aged much quicker...it's a theory.

      2. Sometimes I need a little space. I like having a man cave where I can play music, sip a beer and sometimes just think. I need a little block of time every day to parse life and take it all in. Life can be very overwhelming when you open your eyes to so much of it...I need a little time every day to myself to make sense of the world. It gives me peace.

      3. On occasion, I appear to be smiling for no reason like an idiot. I think of funny shit all day long...some of it's not so funny like my lame ass porno song parody idea...but some of it is pretty hilarious and usually just for me...it's a home-grown antidepressant of sorts I've developed over the years...I usually share the good stuff...as long as it doesn't get me in trouble.

      Delete
    2. :O) Great list!

      Delete
    3. Didn't want to forget to say that I myself do all of those things, too!

      That's sorta strange. (in a good way)

      Delete
    4. Oh! And I noted your Valentine's Day comment.
      If only I was your LB, then I'd have to "reward you" kindly & generously in the sack. ;o)

      Golly gee, we're two super undersexed people. What's the matter with us???

      Delete
  38. Describe the perfect date with your LB woman. How long does it last?


    You might wonder why I am asking you all of this and it's because I am presently working on some art and figured maybe I'd find inspiration in your words.
    :O)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is quite a list of questions. I may need to chip away at these.

      Let's do this Quentin Tarantino style, start at the ending and then go back to the beginning.

      Ending:

      Raw, toe-curling, foot muscle spraining, tantric, instinctually animalistic mind-exploding, intense straight. up. fucking....followed by some cuddling and tenderness.

      ...sorry. where was I.

      A man has to be careful with this sort of question. There is a very fine line between sweet romantic, and romantic-wannabe douchebag. We've all seen those guys go on about how romantic they would be on some dating show...and the women are all "woo-ing" but secretly thinking "oof...douchebag". You know exactly what I'm talking about. I can't afford to be that guy given how far over the ledge my romantic longing already has me.

      That being said, I think I would spontaneously have a private passenger plane fly us to New York so that we can eat at her favorite restaurant, catch a show and be back to the room in time for the ending...that's the east coast version.

      For the west coast version, I'd rent a beach house for the weekend and we'd just do whatever felt right.

      Delete
    2. CRASHING WAVES...ALL NIGHT LONG.

      Delete
    3. that ENDING part of your answer, Carl, made my heart race a tad bit faster.

      ;o)

      Delete
  39. Honestly. How do you react when you are mad or upset about something? Since you yourself said you have a difficult time trusting people, when something truly bothers you or irritates you what is your initial way to react?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I verbalize it right away as healthy as I can...I purge anger immediately but in a non-abusive way. I'll curse an inanimate object or over-react in private to amuse myself while I let off the steam...but I don't take it out on others. If I'm angry at a person, and not simply frustrated by circumstance, I'll take some time to think about it and whether it needs to be talked about and how...I'm usually pretty direct about stuff like that...I don't like bad air hanging around.

      Delete
    2. BAD AIR, buh-bye.

      You sound as if you are better at dealing with frustration & anger than I am.
      Lucky you.
      I tend to be REALLY bad at holding things in a good deal of the time.
      It probably goes back to childhood and all that stuff that fell on deaf ears?
      I tend to store all my stress too in my tailbone.
      Not typical. Most people store dress in their shoulders.
      I don't get angry much. I'm not an angry person.
      I do get frustrated though and I can tend to "shut down".
      I don't like that I shut down but...I suppose it's a coping mechanism.
      And again, no one really wants to hear it any ole ways.
      So I turn to music or I clean the house (but only during moments of absolute solitaire) or I get out in nature.

      Again, you sound as if you have a much better way of handling what bugs you.

      Delete
  40. You have mentioned you have seen a good deal of the world but honestly, there must be some places you have never been?

    Where have you yet to go but anticipate seeing? Whom, if anyone, would you like to share the experience with?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to see Belfast in the spring, Moscow in the winter, England in the fall and France in the summer...and Germany in Oktober. :)

      Delete
    2. I mixed cities and countries...England=London, France=Paris and Germany=Munich.

      Delete
    3. Why London in the Fall?

      Everyone I know that has ventured to Moscow does go in the winter, btw.

      Delete
  41. Breathe deep, think of something beautiful, smile, breathe deep again, quiet your mind, relax, breathe deep once more and...name the 3 colors that come to mind. Go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chartreuse, Burnt-Umber and Mauve.

      Delete
  42. Name 5 things you do not mind spending your hard earned $ on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guitar strings, craft beers, surf wax, lingerie and weed (kidding...I don't think I've ever paid for pot. people give that shit to me and I barely smoke that much). I should probably not announce that on the internet.

      Delete
    2. That's an interesting list. Is surf wax expensive?

      Delete
  43. On your bookshelf, what kinds of books would I find? Authors?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me go take a look...

      Tom Sawyer - Twain (childhood favorite)
      Inferno - Dante
      Night - Elie Wiesel
      Anything Kafka
      Mein Kampf - some asshole
      The Holy Bible - some people
      Anything H.P. Lovecraft
      Jon Stewarts latest mock-textbook
      lots of real history and philosophy books
      Anything Carlin
      Stuff White People Like: A Definitive Guide to the Unique Taste of Millions
      ...a funny read.

      Delete
    2. That's quite interesting. I do like Elie Wiesel & the last book I find humorous moreso because in my reading room, stacked by the archway is a book called
      'White Girl Problems' which was ok for a short flight I took last year but I could def give it away to a college student as a bathroom book.

      Delete
  44. Favorite meal. Breakfast, lunch or dinner?
    Exactly what is on your plate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What are we having?

      I'm a vag-itarian. Giggity goo!

      Delete
    2. Sooooo bad yet oddly enough I believe you!!! ;o)

      Delete
    3. This has all gone down hill so fast. Believe it or not I am much more tasteful and genuinely romantic in real life. We're having fun here. :)

      Delete
    4. You haven't lost me. I absolutely get your humor.
      No worries.

      Delete
  45. Imagine your 5 year old talks back to you, screams at you "You don't love me!!!" and runs off slamming his bedroom door. How do you react?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I roll my eyes, put down the remote, go into daddy mode and calmly chase after him. Once I catch up with him I sit down next to him and ask "What's going on buddy? Why are you so upset?" ...and we go from there.

      Delete
  46. Imagine you have a 10 year old and you find out they are taking drugs...like speed. Your reaction?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First off, the drug talk happened at age 8. So I'm a little disappointed at them and myself for not getting through. Are 10 year old's seriously doing speed these days? First off, I move my family out of Compton.

      Then I find out where they got it, how much they did, who they got it from. We all meet with other parents, school administrators, anyone else involved and a family counselor if need be to get to the bottom of it and nip the bullshit in the bud.

      Delete
    2. Awesome! LOVE IT. :O)

      You made me laugh. Pat yerself on the back.

      Delete
  47. Imagine your 15 year old daughter runs away with her 19 year old boyfriend...how are you handling that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I ask myself how I've let my family get to that point...I shake my head, call his family...my daughter doesn't date anyone I don't have contact information for...his family and I discuss the matter and figure out what shithole motel they're hiding at based on his cell activity and credit card records.

      Delete
    2. The Protective Father is on top of it!

      BRAVO DADDY-O

      Delete
  48. Your 21 year old daughter gets pregnant her last year of college. She comes to you and says, "I'm going to drop out for now, get married and raise my baby...eventually I will go finish my degree."

    :O)
    What's a dad to do, Carl?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She has the baby, moves in with mom and me and we act as part time care givers while she finishes school FIRST. Hubby can move in if he's got his shit together and has a plan for the future. Otherwise, I chase the dirtbag off, she gets a better job with her education, meets an ambitious guy at work and my bloodline continues without the baby mama drama and nobody ends up on Jerry Springer. [blows into pointed finger as if its a pistol]

      Delete
    2. I work with hubby's family and hubby to guide him if need be.

      Delete
    3. Correction: I work with hubby's family and hubby to offer guidance if need be.

      Delete
    4. Damn. I must say I am VERY impressed with your answers.

      (visualize me sitting at my computer like this :oO)

      No dirty jokes, Carl. I'm complimenting you.

      Delete
  49. That ought to keep your mind busy for a few days! LOL ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  50. Before I forget! What are your thoughts on rituals or family traditions?
    Do you have any? What kind of rituals do you plan on sharing with your son?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Though I don't practice Catholicism, I still celebrate Christmas like most of the country. Playing 'Merry Christmas - Johnny Mathis' on vinyl...shooing the dog away from eating the gingerbread men on the tree...drinking hot chocolate...and watching people open gifts that you know they're going to love.

      I plan to teach him a bit about art and music but I'm not going to force it if he's not interested.

      Delete
  51. And while we are at it-
    TOP 10 Pearl Jam (or PJ related songs).

    I'm curious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I only get 10? Then In no order:

      1. Oceans - when they strum the C chord after Eddie sings that line "To dream of the next..."
      ...it always creates a visual for me of bobbing in the waves on a cold day, waiting for the next curl when the sky is overcast and the sea is a dark green.

      2. Alive...because despite a bunch of jerks, I'm still alive. :)

      3. Wish List - Who can't relate to this theme? We all wish for things...this almost seems like a follow up to 'Black'.

      4. Love Reign O'er Me - Aside from the actual vocalist, musically they didn't really customize it...like Hendrix or Van Halen did with their covers...because it didn't need it. It's a great song and they did a great version of it.

      5. Yellow Led Better - This is a vocally dynamic song that is very fun to play and sing around a campfire. I've exhausted my lifetime performances of it but it's still one of my PJ favs.

      6. Elderly Woman... - Because "Hearts and thoughts they fade..."

      7. Out of My Mind... :c)

      8. The End - The lyrical meaning as I understand it is quite dark but if it's possible to see some sad beauty in death, this song certainly finds it.

      9. This is a tie between 'I Got Id', 'Nothing Man' and 'Given to Fly'. However unlikely, there are times when it seems like the LB album is somehow cosmically inspired by my story. The coincidences are off the chart. That's typically a mark of great songwriting, when you can relate on that level as a listener. However, these 3 songs are uncanny depictions of high and low places I've seen in the past.

      10. Lightning Bolt - duh.

      Delete
    2. BTW, I know that the 3 from #9 are not on LB. They just resonate as much if not more with me.

      Delete
    3. I like your list and reasoning.
      Sorry to have limited it to Top 10 but you took some liberty there and named 12 so...
      I don't think I've heard OUT OF MY MIND?
      Is that obscure song?
      You mentioned surfing for about the 3rd time, too?
      I guess I should ask you your Top 3 Surf Spots?
      I know a couple guys that surf.
      Maybe a handful?
      They all are pretty cool men.
      Seem to be pretty deep & philosophical.
      One of them goes all over the place but I think he prefers Fiji.
      He even sent me a pic of him & his daughters (3) with Anthony Kiedas in Fiji.
      I guess he ran in to him on the beach.

      Delete
    4. Virginia Beach is my favorite spot to surf. The waves are pretty tame but I'm not a veteran surfer. It's just a relaxing experience and a nice temporary mental escape that I enjoy. I haven't gone surfing in a few years and I'm really looking forward to the summer weather. This north east winter is getting old. Could you imagine surfing with Anthony Kiedas or Eddie Vedder?

      Delete
  52. I told you I could talk to you all night! ;o)
    Did you think I was exaggerating? LOL

    I thought of 2 more questions and then I will leave you to ponder.

    If I ran in to you at the grocery store checkout, what would be in your cart?
    Surprise me.
    :O)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wild caught salmon, quinoa, fresh spinach, organic milk, crunchy peanut butter, seltzer, saline solution and gummy bears.

      Delete
    2. Interesting.
      How do you prepare your salmon, btw?
      Do you have a standard way of enjoying it or do you play with it?

      LOVE SPINACH. <3
      Love all greens but spinach salad is my preference.

      I'm weird about dairy, myself.
      I do not eat any dairy that isn't organic or all natural.
      I'm really weird about that.
      Growth hormone junk repulses me.

      Crunchy PB? I prefer smooth...especially when you spread it on someone's chest. ;o)

      Gummies. :O)
      I'm not a gummy person but damn it if kids don't love em.
      I've had so many kids trick me in to eating Sour Patch gummys!
      They think it's hilarious b/c I don't care for sour candy, whatsoever.

      Makes for a good laugh. :O)

      Delete
  53. Carl, if you received a bonus from your boss of $10,000, what would you do with the money?

    Now I have no idea what your financial position is in life so $10,000 could me a great deal or it could be peanuts???
    This is money you hadn't expected or anticipated.
    I'm curious to see what your choices would be.
    :O)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also have a HILARIOUS joke about investing $10k if you want to hear it?
      It's pretty funny.

      :0p

      Delete
    2. Ok- if you've heard this already I won't be disappointed but lets finish it for whomever may eventually find all these postings!

      I read once in ESQUIRE magazine that every woman should know one good dirty joke- this is the one I've chosen to tell.
      ;0)

      Delete
    3. A very wealthy & handsome bachelor decided he finally wants to settle down & start a family.
      He's dating 3 women at the time and can't decide which one should be the mother of his children. They're all nice, intelligent and beautiful.
      They all are large busted.
      One is a brunette, one is a blond and one is a redhead.

      The gent decides to give each of his prospective wives $10,000 and tells them he can't see them for 1 month.

      A month goes by when the man decides to visit each potential mate and find out what they did with the money.

      The Brunette tells him, "I invested it all in the stock market and made $3000."

      The Blonde tells him, "I put it in bonds and its earned a small enough percentage that I'm happy."

      The Redhead informs the man, "I put it in a CD and have lost $500 but I'm ok with that."

      So...which gal does the man pick to be his wife?

      Delete
    4. I'm supposed to say Brunette but the answer is Blonde...because she's happy with things that are small...? Am I close?

      Delete
    5. I would put $10,000 into my home. I just added a bedroom, and I've been installing wood flooring in several rooms this weekend. Next I'll be upgrading the kitchen cabinets, counters, appliances and flooring. Once I turn our solarium / 2nd kitchen into a breakfast room, our house will be what we wanted and in a much better state to sell once the market comes back a bit. In a few years, $10,000 would go toward rental properties and house flipping. I'm going to get into that soon to supercharge my assets and retirement. I'm lucky enough to be handy and know some decent contractors in the area.

      Delete
    6. Investing in the abode. Makes perfect and practical sense. Good move. Investing in "your castle/domain".
      It's good that you're handy like that, saves megabucks. :O)

      The only wording in that that makes me wince is "our house will be what we wanted".
      That doesn't sound good for Lil Ms. LB.
      :o/

      Sorry, I can be sensitive and "feely" like that.
      Just stating the facts.
      You said it.
      I just noted it.

      Delete
  54. The Mother of All Questions-

    Put a value on "Emotional Investment".

    What's it worth to you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It depends on what or who you're investing in. There's also healthy and unhealthy emotional investment. LB was turned off by the drama that I brought to the table when my unfortunate past caught up with me...again at the worst possible time... and I ended up in a behavioral hospital for a week. I completely understand why she felt put off by it. It must have been awkward and stressful...and we had practically just met. It's not realistic to expect someone to emotionally invest in that under those circumstances.

      I'm not that guy anymore. I was sick. People get better. That's why I'm trying for this. The guy she started to fall for, that's the enduring me. The guy that made her uncomfortable was the temporary me. I know it's probably too late. It's like I almost won the Boston Marathon but my knee went out...I fell down and couldn't get up until it was over...and now, even though it is over, I'm power walking across it anyway...I'll write a song for her called "power walking for love".

      Make no mistake, I, she and the potential life we're both missing out on are all well worth the emotional investment...it's worth platinum!

      Delete
    2. Oh I don't doubt your conviction for a second. I can hear your love & dedication in your written words.
      What's unfortunate is she knows nothing of this site. :0(
      I personally believe she would feel honored to hear what you have to say regarding her.
      From what you have shared with me, Carl, you sound like an exceptional man on a journey full of self reflection & discovery.
      And...it sounds like you are far from giving up on true love.
      :0)
      Your mentioned again being in a mental hospital.
      I personally have no experience with that so do you mind if I ask you, what happens in a facility like that?
      Is it counseling & sedatives or what?
      And you must not have been that disturbed if you only stayed for a week?

      There definitely have been times in my life when I've felt like, "Whoa. This is wacked." But then I just remove myself from the situation entirely and decompress.
      I'm sure there are people out there who might think I'm crazy but...I'm pretty flipping level headed all things considered.

      I don't know if your LB woman is really being that critical of you for your circumstances either?
      Again, you'd have to have a heart to heart but from what you have shared she doesn't sound judgemental.
      :0)

      Power walking for Love.
      I like that.
      Especially if it has a happy ending like you two become a couple, holding hands & smiling.

      Delete
    3. I became suicidal. I didn't sleep for 2 months because of a pharmaceutical side effect, compounded with work stress, compounded with my past catching up...it all fell apart and I just wanted to die. It was a very dark time. I don't think she judged me for it. It was just probably awkward. It was a very strange emotional time for me and I remember acting in ways that were out of character. There were some things I did that I shouldn't have that she was upset about...not terribly harmful things but...I was wacked out of my head for a few months. It was a brief slice of time and I'm glad it's in the past.

      Delete
    4. I'm glad your managed to get through the dark spell.
      That is incredibly unfortunate & sad.
      It sounds like a "bad combination" of things. Bad Alchemy.
      :0/
      The GREAT news is you came through that time.
      Hard for me to say much more with limited information but-
      I'm glad that you came through that experience all the better.
      <3

      Delete
  55. Thoughts on MAKE UP SEX?

    Do you have any?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It CAN be really nice, I must say.

      Takes "Kiss & Make Up" to an entirely different level.

      Delete
  56. Here's a good question-
    You mentioned you, yourself are having a baby soon & that your LB lady has a step-son.
    So my question for you is
    what role would the LB lady play in your son's life?
    If she was/is interested in being with you, how would you hope she would influence your son?
    Are you even certain she wants to help you raise a child?

    From what you have expressed so far, I get the impression you are well prepared for the curveballs fatherhood can & will throw at you.
    Do you believe your LB lady is ready for that kind of lifestyle?

    ReplyDelete
  57. It's a bit premature, to say the least, to go down this road but, hypothetically speaking, I would not impose any expectations on her to raise my child. I would expect his birth mother to fulfill that role. If LB was in my life, she would certainly be in his. I would only expect that she be herself. She's a kind, compassionate, warm, upbeat, intelligent person. Her qualities that I find attractive would certainly make her a good influence. In all practicality there'd probably be shared custody. I would tend to his needs as his father. It's important that I bond with him.

    As far as kids go though, according to my 'rents, I was apparently I very calm, even tempered little boy with uncanny deep belly laugh that was so easy peazy, my mother had 2 more children hoping they'd be like me. The downside is that my physical traits are all dominant so my son is probably going to look something like this little grotesque monster:

    http://s13.postimg.org/7fv0b3tl3/cj_5.jpg

    http://s30.postimg.org/tbezfbp8h/image.jpg

    What women would want to spend time with him?

    ReplyDelete
  58. Give me moment to look at these pics but I feel as if you've posted a photo of Shrek!

    ReplyDelete
  59. We're going to name him Graham Stone H----n.

    What do you think?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like Graham A LOT.

      Very strong name.

      :9)

      Delete
  60. Nope. Can't pull em up.
    Sorry.

    And I also should apologize for being so intrusive. That was rude of me.
    It was kind of like putting the cart ahead of the horse without a doubt, I just wondered how you were anticipating handling the subject.
    It sounds like you, yourself are rather levelheaded, Carl. I'd even venture to say "Light Years" ahead of most people in similar predicaments.
    :0)
    You don't seem to flying by the seat of your pants on with this.
    You seem to be incredibly AWARE.
    :9)
    To be commended.

    You also sound as if you were a cool little boy, too.
    What you see is what you get in regards to children.
    More or less, who they are as far as their emotional self as children is who they are.
    :0)
    I was a happy gregarious introspective & inquisitive kid.
    Still am but now decades older.

    I think childhood can be such an real imaginative adventure, if encouraged.
    There's that word COURAGE of yours, Carl.
    :0)

    Think good thoughts and good things will happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's quite alright. Your questions are fun. Well I hope you're right about all that.

      Delete
  61. BTW. I've found that you have to be extra careful...I mean tiptoe on eggshells careful... not to seem judgemental in this world with the general public. People lose their flippin' shit when they think that you're judging them...even if you're not concerned with them. If you say that you don't like an idea or behavior for yourself or your family...and they have done it or feel differently...you might as well be fisting their ass with a handful or rusty ten penny nails sticking out...it's all they can do but to shoot hateful lasers from their eyeballs. It's a bad scene.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can imagine.
      You have stories that are likely on par with mine.

      Loud & Clear- do not judge people. Just smile & zip your lips & nod affirmatively and walk away.

      Delete
    2. Sorry, I just pissed off somebody and I didn't really do anything. I'm way too thin skinned...most people don't care...it bothers me when others are upset. Long story.

      I can definitely see you being an inquisitive and imaginative little girl. They say that your personality...who you'll be...is defined by age 5. I have some questions for you:

      1. What was your favorite toy growing up and why?

      2. What is your favorite book?

      3. What is your favorite movie?

      4. What do you think happens when we die?

      5. Who was your favorite teacher?

      Delete
  62. Questions for me?
    :0)

    Favorite toy?
    Honestly I liked playing games for the most part but...I'll say a Ms. Beasely doll. I was raise on 60s/70s sitcoms.
    I had a favorite painting my room and a favorite tree.
    And many favorite books.
    I'll say the toy was Ms Beasely.

    Favorite book ever?
    Hmmmm.
    So many great books-
    Myths to Live By- J. Campbell

    Movie-
    Easily has to be CRASH.

    When we die?
    Good question.
    Actually beyond good.
    What do I believe?
    That the soul is reborn.
    So death is actually a birth.
    And for a while you are LIGHT & STARDUST & PART OF A BIGGER BALL OF ENERGY.

    The body here is our vessel.
    The Soul lives on.

    Favorite teacher?
    Wow. I've so many cool people on my journey.
    Hard to narrow it down...
    thinking about it...
    I've met & shared some great friendships with some really cool people but the person who probably gets me or understands me best and has taught me the most in life???

    My LB man.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you haven't yet seen '42', the movie about Jackie Robinson?
      It's worthwhile.

      Delete
    2. I've seen '21' twice. (That's addition humor folks). I've been wanting to see that. I'll check it out.

      Delete
    3. So what's the most valuable lesson that your LB man has taught you?

      Delete
    4. That will be a long answer. I need time to word it out. Patience, please.

      Delete
  63. Carl,

    Favorite concert you have ever attended was ?

    Favorite Artists? (all mediums, list 5)

    Favorite State in the US?

    Have you ever been to the Caribbean? If so, where?

    and

    What do you believe happens when we die?

    :O)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Favorite concert: Roger Waters - The Wall

      5 artists (This is the official list I would have given you 15 years ago but my tastes have changed and I go through phases with a wider diversity of art and music these days):

      1. Louis Wain (painter) - I'm more fascinated by the artist than his actual work. It's a tragic story but the change in his style over the several decade period of his progressing schizophrenia is pretty wild. You can actually see the transition from his trademark anthropomorphic cat paintings slowly evolve into these fractal art demon faces. It's sad but still a reminder of how amazing the human brain is.

      2. Stanley Kubrik
      3. Jimi Hendrix
      4. Franz Kafka
      5. Stan Lee

      M favorite city is Manhattan so I guess New York. [blows a kiss to Center City Philadelphia]

      I have only been on the Pirate's of the Caribbean in Orlando, FL.

      Gladly, I can't say with any knowledge but one way or another I believe that we all get to be together.

      Delete
    2. Once again, good answers.

      I'm not familiar with Louis Wain so I'll have to look him up and his story. He sounds interesting.

      NYC, huh?
      I remember the first time I ever went there, driving in from I-95. I was 18 years old. I went to the Cat Club? I think that's what it was called? Went with my best girlfriend. I remember the bartender there has all these cocktail napkins behind the bar with lipstick kiss prints on 'em and he asked each of us to smooch a napkin.
      When we went back about a year later, our kisses were still there. :O)

      Silly chick stuff you do when you're young, I suppose?

      My last trip there was 1.5 years ago. Had so much fun. Went up with a girlfriend from Jr High and her family.
      We did a great deal of walking!
      Times Square, I must say. Fascinating. Sensory overload though after about 3 days.

      MOMA. <3

      Delete
  64. I heard a song that reminded me of your altercation experience that you had last night.
    Maybe u can listen to it and let it carry your mind away to a fun lil groove?

    from RED LIGHT DISTRICT album by Ludacris

    'GET BACK'.

    From now on when I listen to that song I will think of you.
    :0)

    Awwwwwe.
    ;0)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No altercation. It turned out to be a misunderstanding. I think I need an altercation...give and get a few punches to shake out the funk I'm in. So, 'Get Back' by Ludacris is 'Our Song'. sniff. that's so beautiful. sniff.

      Delete
    2. Oh it's called Red Light District?...so...are you calling me a whore? :c|

      Delete
    3. :O) I know, it's very touching. LOL

      Ummm, just because one ventures in to the RLD does not a whore become. :O)
      Some people are just curious to see the "underbelly" of life.
      I've been fascinated by prostitutes since I was a child...do not even ask me why?
      Just cuz THEY'RE THERE, I suppose?
      I use to purposely drive through the 2 blocks where the walked up and down the city sidewalk when I'd venture in to that city where are the papers get signed.
      My friends use to say, "Why are we going this way? Now we have to pass the hookers!" :o/
      And I'd respond, "and maybe if we're lucky we'll get stopped by the red light and we can just watch 'em." :O)

      I know that weird, huh?
      I use to be fascinated with their clothes or wonder what their individual stories were...like WHY are you doing this? What happened to you?

      That would be the inquisitive side of my personality shining through.

      Delete
    4. That place where all the papers get signed, near the big lawn around the block from that white house.

      You know the place? ;o)
      So many white houses to choose from...

      Delete